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The Satanic Hampster Dance
I'm sure you're all familiar with that dancing hampster page. Well, this one is an obvious parody... And the webmaster has been threatened with legal action by the creator of the original hampster dance page. Check it out before it vanishes into the void!
Wednesday, May 17, 2000, 11:39 p.m.

Are you Addicted to the Net?
It's just a quick quiz, five minutes tops. Surprisingly, I am an "average" net user. I suppose that's because I don't skip work to stay online.

I'll try harder next time, promise. 24/7 Net Addict, that's me!
Wednesday, May 17, 2000, 11:37 p.m.

Sparky's Den
Remastered "Calvin & Hobbes" cartoons. 'Nuff said.
Wednesday, May 17, 2000, 11:35 p.m.

Little Red Riding Hood and the... um...
This commerical was airing in Japan. There is a logical explaination for this commercial... But it's rather long. Short version: It's an ad for a construction company.

If you don't have Quicktime, it's worth getting it just to see this ad. Quick synopsis: a girl dressed as Red Riding Hood comes upon some woodland creatures. These - um - well-endowed female critters start dancing, but are inturrupted by a well-endowed male critter.

Ok, now assume they were going to air this in the US. It wouldn't even make it past the first line of censors. This just confirms my belief that the fundamentalists have turned America into a nation of prudes... They just pretend that we're still morally corrupt. ;)

You can view a longer, more complete version here. It's all worth it, trust me.
Wednesday, May 10, 2000, 11:38 a.m.

Interview with the Search Engine
You can Ask Jeeves anything, right? And he'll (supposedly) answer your question. Well, that's what an interview is, so I suppose interviewing the search engine couldn't be far behind.

Jeeves' answers, however, are so typical of a search engine that it ends up being pee-your-pants funny. What is 2+2? Pauline Hanson-in-a-can, of course. Here's what Jeeves really thinks.
Tuesday, May 9, 2000, 09:47 p.m.

Frat Beat!
Sad thing is, most of this stuff is totally true...
Tuesday, May 9, 2000, 09:41 p.m.

Tom's Cat
This page came to me with no explanation. Why is the cat giving you a suggestion? Is it really a cat? Why is he named Tom?

Reload the page for a new suggestion... It's all helpful. Praise the kitty.
Wednesday, April 19, 2000, 08:55 p.m.

At&T Labs Text to Speech Generator
A long time ago, in a housing development not very far away, I played with our family's TI-99a computer. One of the best things we had was the speech synthesizer. I don't know long I spent as a kid, holed up in the study while trying to make the computer say rude things.

Yeah, I'm a geek.

Anyway, this toy converts text into a WAV, AIFF or AU file that you can save. Think of the possibilities! grin Be aware, however, that you have a limit of "30 words per utterance and 40 accesses per site per day." Use them wisely.
Wednesday, April 19, 2000, 08:51 p.m.

He Wanted You to Know
Incidentally, this is the article that sent me into critical mass about my smoking habit.
Wednesday, April 19, 2000, 08:50 p.m.

QuitNet
I promise I am not going to turn into a slathering, self-rightous reformed smoker. I swear!

But QuitNet's forums really did help me out through that first hellish week. The support network there is incredible, with help pouring in from everywhere if you say you need it. If you're thinking about quitting, give it a look.
Wednesday, April 19, 2000, 08:47 p.m.

The... Thingee.
Although it has been pegged as a "penis thing" by Beth, I think it's pretty neat, and I have no penis. (Not attached to me, anyway.)

Of course, I get the most pleasure out of making the gravity zero and changing the wave speed - which makes the thing flail around like an erector set having a seizure. ...but that's just me. grin
Wednesday, April 19, 2000, 08:40 p.m.

The Jailbird Journal
Wow. If you ever wanted a real look from the inside of the US justice system, you have to read this journal. I blew through all his entries in one sitting, because I had to know how it ended.

What especially galls me is that he was put in the "hole" for his online journal. Via a conversation with a sympathetic guard, he makes a valid point:

"He said the guards and administration of that facility were intimidated by an inmate being smart enough to do something like keep an online journal, and to an extent, it frightened them. So much so they had to stop me, and locking a prisoner in the hole ALWAYS stops them from doing whatever it is they happen to be doing."

Finally!
After running the premise of the show into the ground, Paramount has decided to give Voyager a rest. (Sorry guys. You'll have to find some other Borg vixen in a silver body suit to oogle.)
Tuesday, March 21, 2000, 10:24 p.m.

The Gift That Keeps on Giving
Hmph. Sending dead roses to someone. Why didn't I think of that?
Monday, March 20, 2000, 12:57 a.m.

She's a little catty...
Meow.
Thursday, March 16, 2000, 11:08 p.m.

Names and such
Everyone knows what their first and middle names mean. But do you know what your last name means? If you include my first, middle, last names along with my mother's maiden name and my father's Scottish clan, my name means "young, noble, pure princess of the hill."

I think I'll stick with what I've got, thank you.
Thursday, March 16, 2000, 11:03 p.m.

I hate people...
...and this is why.

What kind of sick bastard would rape a 80-year old woman? The full story isn't in this article, but apparently the suspect was an employee of the nursing home. He was giving the patient a spongebath and ... well, he was caught in the act.

Sick diseased bastard... I hope they send his sorry ass to prison. The inmates all have mothers and grandmothers - I doubt they'd take his crime lightly.
Thursday, March 16, 2000, 12:46 a.m.

Not quite a repeat of the Hindenberg...
Yay! Our blimp is back!

Living in the Akron area, I have a lot of memories of the Goodyear blimp. The one I best recall is visiting the airdock where the blimp "sleeps." That place is HUGE.

When the blimp crashed back in October, I was afraid that Goodyear wouldn't bring back the blimp. But they salvaged it and now it'll be flying again.
Thursday, March 16, 2000, 12:38 a.m.

Sorry, Dr. Laura
My god, how I detest this lady.

I've listened to her show a few times, and every single time I've heard her, I am shocked at the things she comes up with. She's bigoted, hateful and egotistical. I've ended up yelling at my radio in the car over things she's said.

Ok, end of rant... But I'm sure she'll enrage me again, even though I'm avoiding her show.
Thursday, March 16, 2000, 12:31 a.m.

As if you didn't know...
Gas prices are going up. Still.

I, however, laugh when I hear these "poor" people with their gigantic SUVs complaining that they spend $60 to fill their tank. Ya didn't think of that when you bought the damn thing, did you? Noooo...

Of course, higher gas prices will mean that the costs of goods will increase. Why? Because it will cost more to get them into the stores via semi. But I drive a nice fuel-efficent manual transmission, and I work for public transit.

Boy am I smug.
Thursday, March 16, 2000, 12:23 a.m.

Otterpong
While it's not terribly complicated, this game can be slightly addicting. Or maybe that's just me. Anyway, it's a variation on the Pong game. You play an otter, and the goal is to get as many sea urchins (?!) ponging around as you can. Avoid the sharks, though.

Oh, and it requires Shockwave.
Wednesday, March 15, 2000, 01:07 a.m.

Spongeworthiness
Are you spongeworthy?

Salon details the Today Sponge's comeback trail. Although the sponge is very convenient, I've always had my doubts about it... The 90% effectiviness raises my eyebrows. A 90% success rate in preventing pregnancies means it fails 10% of the time. Of course, if you've used the sponge 9 times... Just don't use it that tenth time and you'll be ok.

Right?
Tuesday, March 14, 2000, 11:58 p.m.

Prepare to Be Annoyed
Whoa whoa whoa! Before you go clicking on that link willy-nilly, just let me warn you. It's annoying. In clicking the link, you're admitting that you want to be annoyed for about 3 minutes. Don't blame me - you don't have to click on that link if you don't want to.

Still with me? Ok, then click. And don't say I didn't warn you.
Tuesday, March 14, 2000, 11:30 p.m.

IRCer Gets Laid
Breaking news, to be sure.

I suppose it's a pretty monumental event, since all IRCers do is laze around in front of their computers and chat. They end up getting too lazy and fat to even leave their houses, and end up having to order their groceries over an online grocer.

Hey, wait a minute. I'm an IRCer. Hmm... At least I can still get out the front door.
Tuesday, March 14, 2000, 10:53 p.m.

Voluntary Human Extinction Movement
These guys are for real. Claming that the ZPG (Zero Population Growth) people have the right idea, VHEMT says they don't go far enough. VHEMT's goal is to totally wipe out the human race.

It's a pretty extensive site, so have a look. I understand their reasoning, but I fall into the "knee deep" category of understanding: Earth would benefit from changes in human activity. But Earth without humans? Who would build the salmon ladders?
Tuesday, March 14, 2000, 10:13 p.m.

Acid-eating Microbes Responsible for Mine Pollution
I can hear the miners cheering from here. "Yay! We didn't do it! cough cough cough..."
Tuesday, March 14, 2000, 11:27 a.m.

Marshmallow Bunny Survival Tests
Easter is just around the corner, and it's a good to know exactly what you can put those marshmallow bunnies through. See what drowning, burning, radiation and falls from large heights will do to your bunnies.
Tuesday, March 14, 2000, 12:54 a.m.

Squirrel Fishing
"Aye, ye would not 'ave believed it. The furry lil' bugger was this big, and when I hoisted him from the sea... He gave me a look that would chill ye bones. 'e tol' me to throw him back, or bad luck would befall me and mine."
"Aye... Aye, that's why I come here every summer and cast nuts into the sea. 'e's out there, waiting... And 'e's a hungry lil' squirrel."
Tuesday, March 14, 2000, 12:41 a.m.

Joining the Fray
As if I didn't have enough to do already... grin

Hi. I'm weblogging.
Tuesday, March 14, 2000, 12:31 a.m.